Basic Terms for Understanding Relationships, Attraction, and Self

bananasforpotassium:

littleelk:

outlawroad:

barf puke asexual intellectual pedestal

I just felt like this needed to be posted again

why

Because I like to analyze and dissect relationships and attraction because they can manifest themselves in so many different ways, and I wish somebody would have pointed that out to me in high school.

Basic Terms for Understanding Relationships, Attraction, and Self

outlawroad:

So I’m now a big believer in visibility and education for the asexual community but I also deeply care about liberating society to experience and explore their relationships in a more nuanced, detailed, complex fashion. Language is a vital tool for doing this. In order to understand your own emotions, relationships, and relationship desires, you need to have the words to comprehend it all with. This is my attempt at introducing to you different terms that can be useful for these purposes. This is by no means a complete list and my definitions of the different attractions aren’t set in stone for everyone but I did my best with the knowledge I’ve gained through discussion.

asexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction to anyone. This lack of attraction is self-contained and does not have anything to do with sex drive, romantic orientation, or sexual activity.

demisexual: someone who does not experience sexual attraction to anyone, except in cases of forming an emotional or romantic attachment to a person. In other words, they experience only secondary sexual attraction as a result of romantic feelings or an emotional connection. (They aren’t sexually attracted to strangers, celebrities, or people they don’t very well.) They can develop this secondary sexual attraction toward more than one person at a time and without an actual romantic relationship.

ace: a nickname for an asexual person.

celibate: a person who chooses not to have sex. Both asexuals and sexuals can be celibate. Celibacy is a choice about sexual activity, which has nothing to do with one’s orientation. Just as some sexual people choose celibacy, some asexual people are indeed sexually active.

repulsed asexual: an asexual who finds the act or concept of sex repulsive (whether in a general or personal sense), as opposed to an indifferent asexual who simply has no desire to participate but otherwise feels no strong response to the idea.

romantic orientation: describes what gender or person you feel romantic feelings toward. Romantic orientation is indeed a separate thing from sexual orientation, although it is most common for the 2 orientations to coincide. However, there are individuals, both sexual and asexual, who have mixed orientations. A person can be hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, or a-romantic.

aromantic: a person, asexual or sexual, who does not experience romantic feelings for anyone. Aromantic people often still desire some form of life partnership and value their friends and family, who serve as their emotional connections in life. Aromantic sexuals or aromantic asexuals are not to be confused with asocial or antisocial people.

sexual attraction: describes feelings of sexual desire for another person. This attraction may manifest through direct physical contact or even through thoughts of the person and leads to a physical response, whether of genital arousal or pre-arousal sensations elsewhere in the body. Also makes itself evident in sexual thoughts of the person you’re attracted to.

romantic attraction: describes intense emotional feelings that might best be described as “contentless,” or in other words, a heightened emotional attraction to a person that is without practical explanation. May or may not lead to feelings of being “in love.” Signs include intrusive thoughts of the person, an acute emotional pleasure at the mere thought of them or any kind of attention from them, a level of emotional possessiveness elevated beyond one’s other emotional attachments. Romantic attraction can be experienced on a scale or spectrum, ranging from totally platonic to totally romantic, with several gradients in between (depending on the individual). May or may not come with a gender preference. May or may not coincide with sexual attraction/orientation. 

*Note: just as it possible to experience the other forms of attraction toward more than one person at any given time, it is also possible to experience romantic attraction to more than one person at a time, to varying degrees and regardless of the actual relationship statuses.

emotional attraction: describes feelings of particular emotional desire for another person that is not necessarily connected to sexual or romantic desire. Emotional attraction is marked by a desire for mutual emotional vulnerability/intimacy, sharing in each other’s life, taking care of one another physically and/or emotionally, wanting to know the other person as closely as possible, etc. Emotional attraction may also involved a desire to share nongenital physical affection, much like romantic attraction. (These forms of affection include hugging, cuddling, holding hands, platonic kisses, etc.) Emotional attraction can be present in very involved friendships or in biological family relationships—but could also be absent. Emotional attraction and romantic attraction run close together and there may be a gray area between the two where one’s feelings tend to fall in particularly close friendships or family relationships. [Note: I like to use the term “platonic-romantic” to describe these gray area feelings, since I consistently experience romantic feelings on a spectrum rather than a “yes or no” model.]

intellectual attraction: describes feelings for attraction or chemistry with another person based on their mind or the intellectual interaction taking place in the relationship. Intellectual attraction may exist between 2 people who are otherwise not attracted in any other way. Likewise, intellectual attraction may be absent between 2 people who ARE attracted in one or many of the other ways. Intellectual attraction can also be the cause of sexual, romantic, or emotional attraction or heighten those forms of attraction. 

aesthetic attraction: describes feelings of admiration for a person’s physical appearance which are not sexual or romantic in nature but focuses solely on the visual beauty of their face or body or a combination of the 2. (may also apply to the way a person dresses). For example, a heterosexual female may feel aesthetically attracted to another female, recognizing her physical beauty without feeling sexually attracted to her. Asexuals can and do experience aesthetic attraction to people, but this is not to be confused with sexual attraction. If you hear an asexual comment on a person being “hot” or “beautiful” or “sexy,” it does not compromise their asexuality; it simply means we still have eyes and can recognize an attractive person when we see one.

sensual attraction: describes feelings or desire revolving around touching the other person in a nonsexual fashion. sensual attraction often coincides with romantic and/or emotional attraction. it also may or may not overlap with sexual attraction or aesthetic attraction. sensuality refers to the 5 senses and is not actually synonymous with sexuality, as often misconceived in vernacular English. sensual attraction may be determined by the individual’s personal level of sensuality and enjoyment of touch, besides the actual nature of a relationship. if sensually attracted, you may experience the desire for general physical proximity and contact with the person; how often and how much and what kind of touch you desire to share varies. Sensual contact covers any and all forms of touching not involved with the genitals: hugging, cuddling, caressing, massage, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed, kisses on the face or body, etc. (For some people, mouth-to-mouth kissing may be included in sensual, rather than sexual, attraction). Sensual attraction may or may not come with a gender preference.

***A Note About Attraction: Any person, sexual or asexual, is capable of experiencing any of these forms of attraction in isolation. It is possible to feel romantically attracted to someone you aren’t sexually attracted to, sexually attracted to someone you’re not romantically attracted to, aesthetically attracted to someone you aren’t sexually OR romantically attracted to, etc.

mixed orientation(s): having a sexual orientation and a romantic orientation that do not match. Most commonly refers to hetero-, homo-, bi-, and pan-romantic asexuals. Also applies to all sexual people with any combination of mismatched orientations: heteromantic homosexuals, homoromantic heterosexuals, biromantic hetero- or homosexuals, heteromantic or homoromantic bisexuals, aromantic hetero-/homo-/bi-sexuals, etc.

polyamory: literally means “loving many.” Traditionally, this is the practice of having more than one romantic-sexual relationship at a time, with all parties involved free to form new relationships with others. Sex is central to the mainstream conceptualization of polyamory, but the asexual community also sees it as an option to negotiate romantic relationships with sexual people. Nonsexual polyamory—or, polyamorous relationships based only romantic love and not sexuality—is possible and of interest to both asexuals and some sexual people (particularly sexuals with mismatched orientations).

relationship anarchy: See the Wiki page, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_anarchy

romantic friendship: Historically, a form of nonsexual love practiced in many different cultures at different periods in time. The actual term “romantic friendship” was coined in the 19th century, which is the last time this kind of relationship existed in Western civilization, but the actual type of relationship has existed elsewhere in time and space, including Ancient Greece and Rome, Renaissance Europe, 18th century America/Britain/France, pre-Westernized Japan, etc. Romantic friendships were usually formed between 2 people of the same gender, although there is a little evidence of a handful of cross-sex romantic friendships formed either between members of the Church in Europe and also between brother-sister or cousin dyads as late as the 19th century. Romantic friendship was typically a nonsexual romantic relationship which featured highly sentimental verbal and written expressions of emotion and nongenital physical affection (hugging, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, holding hands, etc). While it is reasonable to assume that homosexuals or bisexuals used romantic friendship as safe means through which to form romantic-sexual relations in homophobic societies, it is also fair to interpret the majority of romantic friendships as nonsexual in nature.

asexual romantic relationship: if taking place between 2 asexuals or an asexual and sexual, this closely resembles romantic friendship (since it is behaviorally and emotionally romantic without involving sexuality) but depending on the individuals involved, differ from romantic friendship in terms of exclusivity, cohabitation, expectations, etc. Also, an asexual romantic couple feels “in love” the same way a romantic-sexual couple do; meanwhile, a romantic friendship pair may feel romantic feelings for each other without being “in love.” Romantic friendships are usually exclusive but not “monogamous,” whereas an asexual romantic relationship will usually come with a kind of monogamy negotiated between the people involved.

I just felt like this needed to be posted again

peepeejuice:

littleelk:

Adam Fuss,  Love, cibachrome photogram, 1993.

This is one of my all time favourite pieces of artwork, so I thought I would share it with you.

It is two rabbits.  Their entrails are emptied out onto glass.  The title is “love”.  The first time I saw it I felt a lot of different emotions.

Yea like disgust, hate, and contempt for the fucking asshole/idiot who would do this to these poor rabbits for “art” that sucks anyway. 

Dear Person with terrible opinons, meet Piss Christ.  Piss Christ, meet Person with terrible opinions.

With a name like Peepeejuice maybe you’re paying homage, but still, Piss Christ is the only one who can truly judge bad art.  Believe no false idols.

(via fineburger)